Billie Eilish Opened Up About Feeling Like Her Body Had Been “Gaslighting Her For Years”

In 2020, Billie Eilish released the single “My Future”. It would eventually serve as the lead single for her second studio album, “Happier Than Ever”.

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During a recent interview with Vogue, Billie spoke about the song’s double meaning, which included her evolving relationship with her body.

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In the lyrics, Billie wrote, “‘Cause I’m in love with my future / I can’t wait to meet him / And I’m in love, but not with anyone else / I just wanna know myself.” teenage years hating myself and all that shit,” Billie told Vogue. “A lot of it came from my anger at my body…””…and how crazy I was with the great pain it caused me, and how much I have lost because of the things that have happened to him.”

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One of those losses came at age 13, when her dreams of becoming a professional dancer were dashed after a significant growth plate injury in her hip. The injury happened shortly after Billie released her hit song “Ocean Eyes” on SoundCloud in 2015. The incident was followed by lower back injuries and multiple misdiagnoses.

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According to Vogue, it also increased the “alienation Billie felt in her own skin.” She would discover the name for her condition, hypermobility, through movement coach Kristina Cañizares.

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“I felt like my body was gaslighting me for years,” added Billie. “I had to go through a process to be like, ‘My body is really me.’ And it’s not out to get me.”

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But the relationship the 21-year-old singer/songwriter built with herself wasn’t the only one she explored through “My Future.” In the past, Billie also spoke about the song describing her relationship with society and the world itself. After the song’s initial release, Billie released a statement describing the inspiration for the lyrics and the state of mind she was in when she wrote it.

Here’s the statement via Fader:

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“It’s a song that’s really personal and special to me. When we wrote this song, it was exactly where my head was at – hopeful, excited…and reflection and self-growth. But recently, it has also taken on many new meanings in the context of what is happening in the world right now. I hope you all find meaning for yourselves.”

The future looks uncertain and crazy right now, but I think we should be ready to put in the work, and if we do, we should be hopeful and excited about our future. I have to keep reminding myself that the future is ours and I know we want to do everything we can to make it better for everyone in the world, and for the world itself. Stay hopeful.”

This is what makes music and all other art forms so special, because it can mean so many different things to so many different people. And yet, they are all valid.

To learn more about Billie, be sure to check out her full interview with Vogue.